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Nov. 22nd, 2009

Definitely Beautiful, Definitely Beautiful, Definitely Beautiful

Dedicated to all of my amazing friends who teach.

This is one of the best things anyone has ever shared with me, and I feel compelled to share it with everyone that I can (and delirious enough to think posting to my lj is a good way to do that). Taylor Mali is an 8th grade teacher who also happens to be a slam poet, and this is one of my favorite of his pieces. Seriously, I feel manic after watching this. It is most definitely the ultimate in mental porn. I want to BE him.

...because you see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking, which is: 'if you ask for it, then I have to let you have it.'


Oct. 28th, 2009

Dr. Cormier

Has a nice ring to it, does it not?

Due to my involvement in some seriously BADASS research surrounding epilepsy (and soon to be Alzheimer's), I get a fair number of e-mails from potential patients as well as consulting firms like the one below that address me as Dr. Cormier. While I do so enjoy the little flutter of happiness I get when I read that, I typically tell all patients that I am not actually a physician, and proceed to either answer their questions or let them know that I will pass along their correspondence to the appropriate party. However, when I get emails from consulting forms like the one below, I often find myself faced with a dilemma.

From: Lastname, Firstname [mailto:Lastname.Firstname@something.com]
Sent: Wednesday, October 28, 2009 4:30 PM
To: Cormier, Justine E.
Subject: Refractory Epilepsy Interview Request

Dear Dr. Cormier,

I am a health care consultant with [some generic consulting group(SGCG)]. We are currently working on a project to better understand current and future treatments for refractory epilepsy, including surgical resection and neurostimulation.

As a thought leader on this topic, I would be interested in speaking with you. SGCG would insist on offering an honorarium of $500 for ~45 minutes of your time. If you are available to speak with us, please let me know a couple of times that you may have available in the next 4-6 business days and I will set up a phone call. All comments would be kept confidential and not attributed to you.

I appreciate your time and consideration.


First name Last name

First name Last name, CFA
Address blah blah blah

I read these and think to myself, "To be honest and tell her I am not a doctor in real life, or to withhold and see how well I can answer all of her questions just for fun?" After all, I AM a thought leader on this topic (I know she wrote it as though she were saying that SHE was, but I'm going to be pompous and arrogant, here, and assume she just has poor syntactical skills and that she really meant to flatter me).

While I know the answers to most, if not all, of their questions because I've been around this stuff for 2.5 years, I typically just end up 'fessing up and forwarding on their email to one of the docs. Still, I enjoy the salutation. Dr. Cormier.......sigh.

Aug. 17th, 2009

Marking the Calendar

I think I will always remember today as the absolute moment when I knew for sure that my relationship with my current flame was over, as he had found another. I've tried to be supportive of the motorcycle thing, and I was genuinely excited for him about his plans to upgrade to the bike he REALLY wanted. However, at 3:47 p.m. (EST) this afternoon, I received the following text, thereby marking the end of my reign as my Love's #1 girl:

From: Jesse

Sigh. So I guess I'm single, now.

Aug. 7th, 2009


Words rock. Derh. Do any of you guys (I like to pretend sometimes that more than 2 people actually read this thing) have favorite words? Care to share?

One of my all-time favorite words is Cadence. Something beautiful about it, I think. I also particularly like ennui and fuselage.

Also...fun with BOOBS!

Jul. 13th, 2009

Classy couple.

During a conversation about thongs, I made a comment that I cannot understand the "point" of T-back, string thongs. Thongs have so little material as it is, but with these, you might as well just go commando. I also expressed my impression that these T-back string thongs might actually chafe something fierce since it's such a small string of material right up your butt. It was this last opinion that earned me a look of utter disbelief, and the conversation ended as follows:

Jesse: You are NOT a lady.
Me: YOU are an asshole. I AM a lady.
Jesse: (Shakes head.)

Now, I realize that I am not a lady. Any of my friends will tell you this; but somehow in that moment I just had to defend myself with what was clearly the most ladylike of responses. WHATEVER.

Jul. 12th, 2009

And the plot thickens!

It's the Bourne Identity in real life!

Jul. 8th, 2009

Security Theater

This is for those of you who say you feel "safer" having to take off your shoes, etc. when going through security checkpoints in airports or federal buildings. I post this because I think it's more an example of the NORM, rather than an exception. Do you still feel comfortable giving up certain liberties for the sake of "security"?**

The GAO also released a photograph of a guard asleep at his post and detailed an instance in which a woman placed an infant in a carrier on an X-ray machine while retrieving identification. Because the guard was not paying attention and the machine's safety features had been disabled, the infant was sent through the X-ray machine, according to the report. The FPS dismissed the guard, who, as a result, sued the agency for failing to provide X-ray training. FPS lost the suit because it could not prove that the guard had been trained, the report says.

**To be clear, I'm not advocating that we not have security at airports and federal buildings at all, but the extent to which people are comfortable in general with letting others intrude and trample on their privacy, on our liberties, is frightening to me. And for what?

Jul. 2nd, 2009

I'm so great

I have always thought I'd have been a better man than I am a woman. I just found a love note that I wrote for someone awhile back, and it totally affirms what an awesome guy I would have been. Chicks would totally fall for this stuff:

Sometimes I just look at you when you're not looking back and I fall so deeply in love with you in that moment. It happens over and over again, and it is a great source of calm for me. I feel so happy, so lucky, and more than anything, I feel moved by who you are and who you are to me. I'm inspired by the love I have for you, and while it's true that I can be distracted from the task at hand by thoughts of you, the truth is that the warmth I have for you is actually a great motivator in my life. I just wanted you to know that oftentimes when you catch me looking at you, that's what I've just been thinking.

Seriously...putty in my hands.

Jun. 29th, 2009

Maybe I HAVE been living in a hole...

I was NOT selected today to be a federal petit juror for this case today (the one listed at the bottom of the article): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_and_Elaine_Brown

When the judge asked the jurors who'd been selected at random if they had heard anything about this case in the media, more than half of the 35 of them raised their hands, and the gentleman sitting next to me (also not, yet, picked) said, "Jesus, who hasn't heard of this case? We are gonna be here all goddamn day!" I was surprised, and I said, "Well, I haven't heard of it." And he turned to me in typical, honest but friendly NH style and said, "Are you shittin' me? Have you been living in a hole for the past couple of years?!"

I learned from the enormous number of jurors that were called and subsequently excused from service that I probably have been living in a hold because all of THEM had heard of it, and I had not.

Anyway, after hearing about it a bit from the judge and all 11 counts that the United States was bringing against the two of them, I kinda of which I HAD been selected. Seemed like it would have been a REALLY interesting case!

[EDIT]: I used FB spellcheck before posting this, and the alternatives it suggested to "shittin'" are awesome. Here are a few: shit tin; shit-tin; shorting; shittier; sheeting; shitty; Chaitin; shooting; chatting.

Jun. 24th, 2009

Bad Breath

Getting close with someone -- be it during conversation or a make-out session-- is really hard when the other person's breath makes you nauseas. It is one of my biggest turn-off's, yet it's something that everyone deals with sometimes (myself included) and one of the hardest things to tell someone about. You can tell someone if they have something on their face, and more often than not they will thank you for not letting them walk around all day with gunk on their face. Try to tell someone their breath is less than pleasant, and see how embarrassed/angry/offended they become. But wouldn't you want someone to tell you if there is something super easy you can do to make yourself more attractive to them? Or at the very least, to make them less grossed out? Obviously I'm putting a "relationship" spin on it, but this goes for other settings as well, namely the workplace. IMHO, bad breath can make someone come across as much less professional than they might otherwise.

Anyway, I read this post on a blog recently, and I thought I'd pass it along for those of us who struggle with bad breath and for those of us who might not have previously considered that we have bad breath at times:

Care for a Mint? No, REALLY.

Guess what?
You have bad breath.
I’ll prove it to you:

1. Grab some floss. If you don’t have easy access to any, you have bad breath FOR SURE.

2. Floss a few of your teeth.

3. Sniff the floss. This is what your breath smells like.

Any food that is caught between your teeth and left there simply rots, right in your face. That’s why it’s important to floss daily - you don’t want a graveyard in your mouth.

The reason why I am posting about this topic is because I belong to a escort networking site, and one of the most common complaints I see from the prostitutes is johns with bad breath. It’s really hard to give the Girlfriend Experience when your partner smells like he ate a shit sandwich.

Conversely, I was at a Whore Happy Hour and one of the men complimented me on my teeth, saying the women he knew were sweet, but many had meth mouth and smoked. So I guess my nice grill is a good selling point, if you will.

SO, if you want others to enjoy kissing you, here are some easy tips on keeping your breath fresh n’ clean:

1. Brush your teeth twice a day.

2. Floss daily. Glide is a good brand if you have crowded teeth and normal floss shreds.

3. Go to the dentist for routine cleaning twice a year. I haven’t had dental insurance for the past couple years, but I still make this happen. A cleaning costs me about $120. Consider it skull maintenance.

4. Avoid coffee or smoking, but if you do indulge, rinse with water or brush your teeth afterward.

5. HYDRATE. Drink lots of water.

6. Eat more fruits and veggies, less meat. High protein diets are the worst for creating bad bacteria fumes as it decomposes.

7. Chew on parsley and mint! Eat your garnish at dinner, grow mint in your backyard and rejoice in the natural freshening powers of chlorophyll!

8. Listerine may actually do more harm than good because it contains alcohol and dries the mouth, which the bacteria tend to like.

9. Keep the mouth moist (god I hate that word) with sugar-free gum or mints. I always chew a piece of gum ten minutes before a date.

10. Tongue scraping is good. You can buy a scraper, but I just use a spoon every couple days or so. It’s crazy what can accumulate on the back of your tongue, it gets all thick and white, eww!

This just in: Someone told me about Smart Mouth, he says it’s fantastic for chronic halitosis. It shorts out the bacteria’s ability to breakdown and produce sulphides in your mouth. The downside is that you have adapt to the aftertaste and it can fuck up your appreciation of coffee. However, it does work really well.

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