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Bad Breath

Getting close with someone -- be it during conversation or a make-out session-- is really hard when the other person's breath makes you nauseas. It is one of my biggest turn-off's, yet it's something that everyone deals with sometimes (myself included) and one of the hardest things to tell someone about. You can tell someone if they have something on their face, and more often than not they will thank you for not letting them walk around all day with gunk on their face. Try to tell someone their breath is less than pleasant, and see how embarrassed/angry/offended they become. But wouldn't you want someone to tell you if there is something super easy you can do to make yourself more attractive to them? Or at the very least, to make them less grossed out? Obviously I'm putting a "relationship" spin on it, but this goes for other settings as well, namely the workplace. IMHO, bad breath can make someone come across as much less professional than they might otherwise.

Anyway, I read this post on a blog recently, and I thought I'd pass it along for those of us who struggle with bad breath and for those of us who might not have previously considered that we have bad breath at times:

Care for a Mint? No, REALLY.

Guess what?
You have bad breath.
I’ll prove it to you:

1. Grab some floss. If you don’t have easy access to any, you have bad breath FOR SURE.

2. Floss a few of your teeth.

3. Sniff the floss. This is what your breath smells like.

Any food that is caught between your teeth and left there simply rots, right in your face. That’s why it’s important to floss daily - you don’t want a graveyard in your mouth.

The reason why I am posting about this topic is because I belong to a escort networking site, and one of the most common complaints I see from the prostitutes is johns with bad breath. It’s really hard to give the Girlfriend Experience when your partner smells like he ate a shit sandwich.

Conversely, I was at a Whore Happy Hour and one of the men complimented me on my teeth, saying the women he knew were sweet, but many had meth mouth and smoked. So I guess my nice grill is a good selling point, if you will.

SO, if you want others to enjoy kissing you, here are some easy tips on keeping your breath fresh n’ clean:

1. Brush your teeth twice a day.

2. Floss daily. Glide is a good brand if you have crowded teeth and normal floss shreds.

3. Go to the dentist for routine cleaning twice a year. I haven’t had dental insurance for the past couple years, but I still make this happen. A cleaning costs me about $120. Consider it skull maintenance.

4. Avoid coffee or smoking, but if you do indulge, rinse with water or brush your teeth afterward.

5. HYDRATE. Drink lots of water.

6. Eat more fruits and veggies, less meat. High protein diets are the worst for creating bad bacteria fumes as it decomposes.

7. Chew on parsley and mint! Eat your garnish at dinner, grow mint in your backyard and rejoice in the natural freshening powers of chlorophyll!

8. Listerine may actually do more harm than good because it contains alcohol and dries the mouth, which the bacteria tend to like.

9. Keep the mouth moist (god I hate that word) with sugar-free gum or mints. I always chew a piece of gum ten minutes before a date.

10. Tongue scraping is good. You can buy a scraper, but I just use a spoon every couple days or so. It’s crazy what can accumulate on the back of your tongue, it gets all thick and white, eww!

This just in: Someone told me about Smart Mouth, he says it’s fantastic for chronic halitosis. It shorts out the bacteria’s ability to breakdown and produce sulphides in your mouth. The downside is that you have adapt to the aftertaste and it can fuck up your appreciation of coffee. However, it does work really well.


November 2009

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